My head cracked opened

HAHA wow I came across this one and little backround info is a must. So I had a gym teacher sophmore year of High School (Bishop O'Connel). and to save my grade, because it's really quite sad when you fail gym, I decided to do a little extra credit with some other classmates. We made a website http://www.geocities.com/teamlane2003/index.html
I wrote this poem because it's well, what I do. so there ya go, ah good times

There is an organization that we call Team Lane
Just give it some time, it’ll grow to fame.
It’s goal is to support the weak and oppressed
Maybe I over exaggerated, I must confess,
But one thing still holds true,
To the motley Lane crew,
We can recruit anyone, heck, even you!
Mrs. Lane is the founder, the crème of the crop
However, with the help of her students, she’ll come out on top.
Team Lane has shared memories that never can fade,
Like all those memorable detention receiving days.
Only one minor mishap we all have to deal with,
Not something to throw us into a fit.
All year long we’ve been educated,
In drivers ED, PE, and things first aid related.
We’ve taken quiz upon quiz and test upon test
Team Lane’s the key to give your mind a rest
Nothing but fun, and website makin’
We even find time to make some donations.
To those who can’t afford the DJO experience,
Team Lane chips in with no interference.
That’s our little group in a short little rhyme,
Join Team Lane and have an awesome time!

# posted by Marge @ 3:17 AM 1 comments

I do not know why I do these things
I do not know why it hurts
I do not know why I cry all the time
I do not know the screams I blurt
I do not know why I love him so much
I do not know why I care
I do not know why I blame myself
I do not know why they aren't there
I do not know why I believe in God
I do not know why I lie
I do not know why I lose myself
I do not know why I try
I do not know why loved ones pass
I do not know why there's pain
I do not know how to live my life
I do not know how to pick myself up again
I do not know why things suck
I do not know why life blows
I do not know why things are
These are just a few things, I do not know

A shark swims by, am I scared?
Looking behind a rock, thought an eel was there
Glance at my air gauge, I'm at 2000 psi
This has started out to be a great dive
35 feet and I'm dropping deeper slowly
I've got my buddy by my side so I won't be lonely
Switching my kicking from left to right
Have available my trusty dive light
Breathe in the air, blow out and bubbles rise
I look at the sand seeing a flounder in disguise
My mask begins to fog but I do not fret
Clearing out my mask is a skill I can never forget
I look up at the surface and close my eyes
Lift up my mask and let the water rush inside
Shake my head to move the water around
Blow hard out my nose, clarity is what I've found
Now I am ready to carry on and be happy
With this nice Bermudian dive with my very own Pappy
55 feet is as deep as I can go, time to head back
Slowly I rise, decompressing I cannot lack
I come to the surface and feel the hot sun
The dive seems over as soon as it begun
I climb onto the boat, hauling up my gear
Waiting for that fresh water bath I know is near
Here it comes, hot water down my wetsuit
How good it is feeling I cannot dispute
Scuba Diving is oh so much fun
So go and get certified so you can be the lucky one

In case someone cares I was feeling hurt today and alone
In case someone cares i'm slow healing from a broken bone
In case someone cares i cry myself to sleep
In case someone cares my bible is something close i keep
In case someone cares i hurt deep down inside
In case someone cares i'd rather stay then run and hide
In case someone cares i lost my best friend
In case someone cares i wish this was my end
In case someone cares i often try to hard
In case someone cares i feel cut up by broken glass shards
In case someone cares i've lost the one i love
In case someone cares i find strength from up above
In case someone cares i blame myself a lot
In case someone cares hatred is the demon that i have fought
In case someone cares i hate how life has tunred out
In case someone cares every now and then i scream and shout
In case someone cares i feel empty and depressed
In case someone cares i have deep feelings i suppress
In case someone cares i don't think death is fair
I just thought that i would mention it, in case someone cares

I went to a party and remembered what you said
You told me not to drink Mom, so I had sprite instead
I felt proud of myself, the way you said I would
That I didn't drink and drive though some friends said I should
I made a healthy choice and your advice to me was right
As the party finally ended and the kids drove out of sight
I got into my car, sure to get home in one piece
I never knew what was comming, Mom something I expected least
Now I am laying on the pavement and I hear the policeman say
"The kid that caused this wreck was drunk", Mom his voice seems so far away
My own blood is all around me, as I try hard not to cry
I can hear the paramedic say, "this girl is going to die
I am sure the guy had no idea while he was flying high
That because he chose to drink and drive, now I would have to die
So why do people do it Mom? Knowing that it ruins lives
And now the pain is cutting me, like a hundred stabbing knives
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom tell Daddy to be brave
And when I go to heaven, put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave
Someone should've taught him it's wrong to drink and drive
Maybe if his parents had, I'd still be alive
My breath is getting shorter, Mom I am getting scared
These are my final moments, I am so unprepared
I wish that you could hold me Mom, as I lay here and die
I wish that I could say "I Love You Mom"
So that's it "I Love You, Goodbye"

I know it's crazy and you don't understand
Trust me though and take my hand
I'm trying to show you that up above
Is where we'll find our eternal love
The answer is death can't you see it?
In order to understand you have to believe it!
Love works in mysterious ways
And you'll understand when death comes your way

A boring class I have been doomed with now
Stay awake the whole time? Please tell me how
This is torture, too early in the morning
Listening to this monotoned teacher is really quite boring
Presumably, assumably and other over used words
The way he takes 30mins to say one thing, is really absurd
I understand he's an English teacher and must use big terms
But they was he lists 6 synonyms in a row just makes me squirm
He makes me want to hit my head on the chair
8:30 classes like this really aren't fair
Look on the bright side you're not the only one
Everyone has glazed over eyes, can't wait to be done
Looking at the clock, watching the time
10 more mins, 5 more, slowly they climb
Can anything save us? any longer we'll die
We'll all be happier and free at 9:45

You are a friend, not a foe
Why don;t you see it? I don't know
What is the problem my dear friend?
The friendship I chearish, you want to end
I hear you now, there's no denying
Our friendship is withering and now I am crying
Come on friend, don't give up now
We're almost there, don't let me down
Now more than ever
We should be together
So sit down and please listen to me
This is not the way it's supposed to be
Let's start again, time to be bold
In with the new, out with the old
Now we're friends forever
Through the good times and bad
You and me are happier now
For this friendship we never had

I'm not suppose to love you
I'm not suppose to care
I'm not suppose to spend my life
Wishing you were there
I'm not suppose to wonder
Where you are and what you do
I'm not suppose to feel this way
But I'm so in love with you

Do you see me?
I think not
What is it to you?
I'm just a thought
Always ignored
But yet still here
Always forgtten
It isn't fair
I'm not sure if you're aware
of all the hurt you do
but if you felt it
You'd cry inside too
My fate is sealed
I'll never win
Because I'm on the outside
Looking in

You're in my mind but out of sight
You fill my thoughts both day and night
Distance between us is but miles
Apart from you, life is a trial
I know it's hard for you as well
The test of time our love will tell
I know we're doing the right thing
A happier future the wait will bring
As these days go flying by
I'll be happy that I tried
Soon enough we'll be together
And life for us will be much better

There's so many things left unsaid
All these unsettling thoughts running through my head
You promised, you swore you'd never leave
You have me begging, I;m down on my knees
If there's still a chance then take my hand
When end this great thing? I don't understand
Sure things are hard, they can't always be easy
If it's something I don't get then make me see
Is it something I did or did not do?
What is the real reason you're saying we're through?!
Is it something or someone that has caught your eye?
I'm not falling for that "it's not you, it's me" lie
We were always honest, why should now be anything less?
Just tell me why our love failed the long distant test
Break-ups are always so rough
I guess for us, love wasn't enough

I hurt myself a week ago and I am not quite sure why,
I guess because I am a boy I'm not supposed to cry.
I've known this pain all my life, and it is nothing new,
I suppose that's why I feel I need to explain my reasoning in this letter to you.
I had a rough childhood and I took it upon myself,
To take his temper to save my brothers from all the welts.
My mom and dad, they always fight, that's how I fall asleep,
I've never really told anyone this, these are the secrets I keep.
I stay in my room as long as I must to stay away from the noise,
I can;t remember the last time I ever felt some joy.
A social outcast at school is what I choose to be,
I don;t want anyone to get a glimpse of the real me.
I have a hot temper, one I owe to my dad,
I hate him so much, but the way I love him really is quite sad.
I have some problems I need to solve if I ever hope to be yours,
But with you by my side, I know I can do it for sure.
I just wanted to give you a heads up so I don;t catch you by surprise,
Now you know a little more, now you know my disguise.

A strong pain deep within,
An endless battle I'll never win.
Always losing someone I love,
The pain surrounds me like a tight fitting glove.
Escape it I can;t ever seem to do,
Make it better?...not not even that too.
It wears me down to nothing but tears,
Having it become all of me, my biggest fear.
As bad as this is I don;t regret it,
Pain is what makes me stronger, it makes me Margaret.

My heart is lost in a sea of men,
A dark deep hole that never ends.
I cannot choose, I lack the strength
My choice on paper still remains blank.
I'll hurt someone no matter what I do,
Looking anywhere for some sort of clue.
Why is it always up to me?
Never seems to be made easy.
I cannot choose I lack the strength,
My will power is on fumes, soon enough an empty tank.
I care too much for this to work,
If I don't figure this out soon, I'll go bezerk
Am I overexaggerating? I think not
The answer to this problem, I haven't got.
I cannot choose I lack the strength,
A continuous cycle without an ending length.
I cannot choose, don;t make me do it,
I'd rather have them hate me, fuck, shit, screw it!

Friends until the end, is what was once spoken
Or was that just what you wanted to say?
Really I'd be heart broken
Everyday I thank God for you in every way
Very often do I forget to say " I Love You"
Even when I don't feel it
Remember me when you're scared and I'll think about you too

Never take anything for granted
Even if there was a fight or two
Very lucky I am to have you as my friend
Everyday I think about you
Remember we have a friendship that will never end.

Even if we're both unsure
Never will I say goodbye
Didn't I always say "forever never ends"?
So please believe me when I say "Forever Friends"

You're in my mind but out of sight,
You fill my thoughts both day and night.
Distance between us is but miles,
Apart from you, life's a trial.
I know it's hard for you as well,
The test of time our love will tell.
We know we're doing the right thing,
A happier furture the wait will bring.
As the days go by,
You'll see time fly.
Soon enough we'll be together,
And life for us will be much better.

I wrote a poem when you died, a poem so filled with sadness.
I wrote more poems as time went by, somtimes they were filled with madness.
I look back at them now, and they make me sad because I remember all the pain,
I never thought when I wrote those lines, I could go on with life again.
It has been less than a few months now, since you passed away and I'm still here,
I cry sometimes, though not as much, but I miss you and wish I could hold you near.
I tell myself for the sake of all that it's time to let you go,
But unless they've felt this pain, please tell me how would they know?
A friend of mine who knows how I feel, because he lost you too,
Said that grief was all my own, and my right to feel so blue.
So my darling friend who sits above, please wait for me I plea,
I have no idea when we'll meet again, but unlike you the choice is not up to me.

There's so much no one knows,
So much that no one sees,
About the way I feel inside,
My thoughts and all my neeeds.
Maybe it's that they don't look,
Or the fact that I don't show,
Either way there are things inside,
That no one seems to know.
I want to show the world,
I want everyone to see,
All the pain and sorrow,
That flows inside of me.
Maybe you haven't noticed,
Or maybe you don't dare,
To find out who I am,
To show me that you care.
I'm screaming on the inside,
A smile is what you see,
But I am not content,
With the person I seem to be.
There's a different person on the inside,
That I can't seem to show,
But maybe if you took the time,
That person you could know.

A broken heart lays in pieces on the side,
A broken leg I'm finiding out is not that easy to hide.
Broken spirit I had deep within, now no longer there,
Broken dreams that I can hardly bear.
Broken laptop never would guess it was almost new,
I have some friendships that are broken too.
Broken things have come by quickly and really seem to stick,
Good thing about broken things though, they are able to be fixed.

I hurt so bad because of you and everything you've done
I dread each passing day, each rising of the sun.
I tried so hard and gave myself 100% to you.
I gave you several chances to try and start a new
I was in pain by your actions time and time again
I tried to be there for you, to be your forever friend.
I was pushed away and tossed aside, you never kept me near.
I felt so bad and why that was, was never really made clear.
You took me down, I picked you up and still you smacked me in the face
You tried to kill youself the ultimate form of disgrace.
I blamed myself for many things although I knew I shouldn't.
I tried to help you, be there even when I knew I couldn't.
I think about you all the time and it tears me up inside
The only way to keep from hating you is to just break down and cry.
I feel your pain, I feel your sorrow everytime I breathe
I pray for you every chance I get, head burried in my knees.
I can't do this anymore and I don';t want to let you go
I love you so much and that much you should know.
I'm getting stronger everday that I don't talk to you
I'm breaking the habit and when it's done you'll feel free'er too.
I wish it was that easy to just take it day by day
I'm not that person who can just up and walk away.
I care too much my biggest fault and it will be my end
But at least I can be satified with the way I chose to blend.
So the contradictions left and right are all that I posses
I don't know if this is right or wrong one thing I can confess.
I hope it all works out for you, you more than I
I hope you look back on the years without hatred in your eyes.
There's one last thing I have to say I hope you got my clue
Christopher Walker-Keith Verot, I have forgiven you.

As many know I am a master rhymer lol (or not you know whatever) and every now and then come up with some pretty decent poems. Everyone keeps wanting to read them and I needed a way to organize them, so Greg found this for me. We'll see how it goes, mainly just wanted to have all the poems organized and in the same place. *note* not all my poems are fact and sometimes stuff just comes into my head in doesn't always mean something...but then again it could.